February 2012
14 posts
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Monologue Jokes, February 2012 (Part 3)
Ben & Jerry’s ice cream unveiled a new flavor honoring Asian-American New York Knicks point guard Jeremy Lin containing China-inspired ingredients like lychee honey, but pulled one key ingredient for fear that it may be racist: fortune cookies. A Ben & Jerry’s rep said the flavor will be in stores long time.
Rapper Jim Jones was arrested Saturday after participating in a brawl...
Someecards Editors' Picks
Trifecta. Triplet. Hat-trick.
Three of my someecards were chosen as editors’ picks.
Vote for them or do nothing here, here, and here.
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Why The Worst Guy Ever Won't Survive...
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Monologue Jokes, February 2012 (Part 2)
Researchers at Harvard are experimenting with an LSD pill which they say will cure cluster headaches. The results are based on what one recipient told his toaster. A stalker who once threatened to kill Madonna wandered out of a Los Angeles-area mental hospital and was captured by police a week later. The police then dropped him off in the right neighborhood. A Montana man was arrested after...
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Wu-Tang Song or Kung Fu Film?
A. Shaolin Master Killer
B. Biochemical Equation
C. Chamber of Fear
D. Invincible Armour
E. Shaolin Wu-Tang
F. The Invincible Shaolin
G. African Killa Beez Attack
H. The Kid with the Golden Arm
I. Mystery of Chessboxing
J. Guillotine Swords Wu-Tang Song: B, C, D, G, J Kung-Fu Film: A, E, F, H Both: I
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If Cities Were Ex-Girlfriends
Hi, Philadelphia. You were my first. Our parents forced us together. I knew this; you knew this. I couldn’t grow up, move on, mature without leaving you. Our first time apart was for a summer. We gave it a try. That brought me to you, Schwenksville. Camp. We’re both Jewish, and that’s how it works. I wasn’t that athletic, but you didn’t seem to mind. We made out behind the hockey boards. It was...
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My Second Bris
It was my first bris; well, first besides my own. I don’t remember mine, or know anyone who remembers his. Why would you want to? The flesh of our manhood: cut, trimmed, snipped. Ouch. But that was tradition, or so I’m told. I don’t know much. My last run-in with Judaism was at my bar-mitzvah, 12 years ago.
The bris would begin shortly. The chant of the Mohel, his clinking metal instruments,...
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Real or Fake Trader Joe's Items?
Chocolate Cake-free Chocolate Cake
This Strawberry Walks Into a Bar
Recycled Organic Diapers
A Very Berry Mingle
Sssnake Skin Condoms
Baklava Ensemble
Cats Cookies
Vacuum Fried Horse Liver
Protein with Pizazz
Rabbi-approved Bacon
Oregon Trail Mix
Non-Kosher Manischewitz
Real Trader Joe’s Items: 2,4,6,7,9 Fake Trader Joe’s Items: 1,3,5,8,11,12
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Monologue Jokes, February 2012 (Part 1)
New studies indicate that psilocybin, the hallucinogenic ingredient in “magic mushrooms,” may be an effective tool for fighting chronic depression. Results are based on claims that after doses of the drug, recipients literally quote “looked their depression in the eyes and put it in a head lock.”
Federal Officials have arrested four East Haven, Connecticut police officers for civil...
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If The Beatles Were Beetles and Sang About Bugs
Strawberry Fields Forever Swarming with Sowbugs
A Day in the Life of a Mayfly Because That’s How Long It Will Live
Yesterday It Was Just a Caterpillar
Getting Better Since We Got Rid of the Termites
Let It Be Anything But Bedbugs
Help! It’s a Spider!
Martha My Dear It’s Just an Ant
With a Little Help from My Friends We Can Swat This Fly
Ladybug Madonna
A Taste of Honeybee
Come Together...
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A Box of Memories
“Alex, it’s Mom. I cleaned out the attic and found this old box of…stuff. Toys, CDs, some books. A lunchbox? Mostly crap. I’m giving it away. Call me back.”
Memories fired off. Childhood memories closely tied with the items. I called her back. Eventually. “Don’t get rid of anything. Not yet. I’ll be home in a few weeks. Leave the box in my room. I’ll go through it.” A yellow water gun...